LEVEL ONE: TUTORIAL

The first rule of game boy color is that you don’t get to play with game boy color.  It doesn’t care what you think.  game boy color is just a little bit taller, stronger, faster, better looking, and of a higher level of intellect than its competition– standing a cut above the rest.  game boy color will teach you how to live.  It’s a game about taking on the entire world and coming out on top.  game boy color is set somewhere in between…


Playing Nintendo in the food storage at the back of your best friend’s family-operated Chinese restaurant.  Being pinned down to the ground by three kids dropping baseballs on your face.  Carving out a new life for yourself in a big city.  *Screams in anime battle noises.*  Not taking part in your war machine.  Calling your grandparents on the phone.  Forgetting to call your grandparents on the phone.  Adopting the ancient art of Shaolin kung-fu to obliterate your enemies with extraordinary feats of dominant power.  Molding your personality and moral decision-making around four oversized, delinquent turtle-men named for Renaissance masters and their rat daddy.  Spitting on the museum floor because their preferred method of preservation is taxidermy.  Giving life to vital breath (生气 shēng qì).  Laughing in the face of danger– it doesn’t hurt, it never did hurt, and it’s not going to hurt.  Making families out of total strangers.  Honoring those who came before you.  Remembering the ones you lost along the way.  Drawing heroes at the table with brother.
STOP THE CHINATOWN MEGAJAIL!